Midlife Crisis: What Happens When the Life You've Built No Longer Feels Like You?

Do you feel like the outwardly successful veneer of your life sits uncomfortably against an inner feeling of emptiness, or sense that you have outgrown the identity you have so carefully created without knowing what comes next? Sometimes known as the midlife crisis, it’s a time when we take stock of our lives, and wonder, is this it? But rather than being something to be feared, suppressed (or even mocked), this crisis of meaning, is an invitation to leave behind what no longer serves us and step into a more authentic self.

Most of us spend the first half of life building towards something: developing a career, buying a home, creating a family or working towards financial security. We have goals to pursue and responsibilities to meet, and this forward momentum can keep us moving without questioning where we're heading. Sometimes we're driven by ambition; at other times, simply by the need to pay the mortgage and maintain a lifestyle that may leave little room to ask what we really want from life.

That is, until the question arises: is this what life really is about? And feelings of going through the motions start to pervade our waking hours of work, family and home life. For someone who mostly knew who they were in life and had a clear sense of where they were going, this sudden feeling of pointlessness and lack of meaning can feel distressing. This can be compounded by feelings of shame around seemingly “having it all” while secretly experiencing a hollowness about one’s achievements. 

“I shouldn’t be feeling like this” is a comment I often hear in my therapy room, to which I pose the question, “shouldn’t, according to whom?”

Crisis of Meaning

In Psychosynthesis, a psychological approach developed by the Italian Psychoanalyst Roberto Assagioli, these experiences can be understood through the idea of a crisis of meaning. 

Finding a sense of meaning and purpose in life is integral to our ability to thrive as humans, whether it be psychologically, physically, emotionally and even spiritually. In the book “Man’s Search for Meaning,” Nazi concentration camp survivor Victor Frankl famously quotes Friedrich Nietzsche when he writes:  "Those who have a 'why' to live, can bear with almost any 'how'." 

This “why” refers to finding meaning in life itself, in the work we do, being of service to something greater than ourselves, building something of value, or through love, relationships, art or nature. Without it, we may fall into a sense of boredom, aimlessness and emptiness; what Frankl calls the existential vacuum.  

Roberto Assagioli describes this crisis of meaning as often happening at midlife, when people encounter a growing sense of dissatisfaction with achievements and relationships that once provided purpose. With this may come an inner conflict, between the outward and sometimes superficial trappings of the personality and a deeper sense of longing for a life lived with more meaning. For some people, this questioning also has a spiritual dimension: a sense that there is more to life than the pursuit of external success and a longing to explore something deeper within.

Counselling, Midlife & Meaning

As a Counsellor trained in Psychosynthesis, I see with many of my clients, beneath the despair, confusion, and emptiness, lies a deep sense of knowing that there is indeed something more meaningful to be experienced in life. They may not be able to articulate exactly what that is, and there can be even a sense of shame in suggesting that the life they have tirelessly constructed no longer gives them meaning on a deeper level.

My work as a therapist is to make space for the sadness, confusion and feelings of emptiness they are experiencing in their current life, for the not knowing of what will come next, and for the new shoots of possibility that are tentatively emerging.

If you find yourself questioning what matters most to you, or feel you've outgrown the identity you've spent years building, counselling can offer a space to explore who you are now and what gives your life meaning.

I offer in-person counselling in Newport on the Isle of Wight and online. You're welcome to arrange a free 15-minute discovery call to explore whether Psychosynthesis counselling might be right for you.